pink is a powerful colour

It was only after a friend pointed out that my wardrobe was slowly beginning to look like a collection of cast-offs from from Clueless that I really considered how much I love the colour pink. Dusky, pale and delicate, I can safely say that I am going through my pink phase now as an adult, having missed out on one as a so-called ‘tomboy’ child. Though it is arguably a much misunderstood colour, I would like to come to its defence against popular opinion to maintain that the colour pink is an empowering symbol of the feminine that I, as a female, am proud to show off. IMG_3225 (2)In abstract, pink has far more positive connotations than one might originally think; psychologically speaking, for instance, it is associated with tenderness, love and compassion, hugely important and valuable characteristics for anyone to possess. We are doing ourselves a disservice by disassociating these qualities with masculinity, carelessly conceiving of gender in binary categories with little thought to the effect on the mental health of those exposed, young children being particularly vulnerable to such black-and-white thinking.

Admittedly, pink can indeed be representative of an unhealthy version of femininity, particularly in regards to the way that products and lifestyles are marketed to young people. It is no coincidence that pink gender-oriented products are intended for girls and often endorse a problematic interpretation of what it means to be feminine, the emphasis placed on passivity and unassertiveness, even fragility by implication. The industry is dominated by of princesses, unicorns and plastic babies, only furthering the promotion of the values listed above. In recent years, there has been much coverage of the issue of prescribing lifestyles and behaviours on the basis of biological sex, often to the detriment of mental health and self-image. Arguably, however, it is not pink that is the problem, but society’s perception of the nature of femininity, it being entirely possible to reclaim this misunderstood colour to be a symbol of empowerment and strength rather than humility and submissiveness.

Pink is the colour of Japan’s world famous cherry blossom or ‘sakura’ which draws visitors from all over the world to admire its beauty and transience. Pink is the colour that flooded my cheeks after my recovery from life-threatening anorexia, a signifier of my regained strength and health. Indeed, pink is the colour that the thousands of women chose to wear as hats at the 2017 Women’s March in Washington, the largest single day rally in the history of the US that united women across boundaries of gender, race, sexuality and religion. In the past, even, pink was a colour intended for boys as it was the more ‘vibrant’ shade said to denote strength and vigour.

womens march 2017

What symbols represent is relative and often determined by one’s cultural reference point, hence there a flexibility to them that allows for diversity of meaning. Contrary to Western ideas about the benevolent sun and the “jealous” moon, for example, the Bacongo of Angola believe, according to Jogn S. Mbiti, ”the moon is the place of coolness and happiness where good men go after death; and the sun is the place of punishment for the wicked”.  Naturally, symbols often have a flipside, much like the colour pink as a symbol of femininity; yes, as a female I can be empathetic, I can be tender, I can be caring but I can also be vibrant, full of strength, love and self-belief.

It’s possible, then, that pink is so divisive a colour because it is a symbol of the conflicted and complex way women are viewed in society. Socially, pink has become representative of the feminine whether you like it or not, making the issue about how this symbol is to be interpreted. Yes, it can have a crippling and detrimental impact on the way women see themselves and their purpose in life when it is aligned with crippling and detrimental views about the role of women. In like manner, it becomes empowering then it is interpreted as encompassing all of the positive aspects of femininity.

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on priorities

 

As a start to the New Year, I hope to use this space to encourage myself and others to make more time for themselves and to be more aware of their mental health, the topic of evaluating one’s priorities right seeming appropriate to the way in which I would like to begin 2018. This was all sparked by a chance encounter I had the other day, when I happened to meet a man who had recently moved to the UK from India to study, a conversation that led me to reflect on the culture I am familiar with here in the UK. While fixing my phone, he described in detail his town and friends back home, it being clear that – however many positive aspects there are to the UK- there are certain crucial things that many in this country often neglect to the detriment of their quality of life. In India, so he said, his friends were up for a good time whereas in the UK. they had to be painfully persuaded before they might go out or relax. Newly arrived, he was keen to explore and sought to take a round trip to Scotland, asking his new flat mates to come along. Shockingly, they only agreed to come once he had offered to pay for them, later allowing him to shoulder the entire financial burden as they were too concerned about ‘wasting’ their precious time and money on such an excursion.

This is telling of the attitude that pervades society as I know it, the man aptly using the word ‘conservative’ to describe the British attitude to having a good time. It is important to point out, however, that this may have been because he was a student, hence money and time do become legitimate excuses for not going on lengthy, expensive trips around the country. Additionally, I should make clear that by ‘having a good time’ I am not referring to the culture of binge drinking and burnout that I and so many others, particularly young people, are so accustomed to. Instead, by that term I make reference to things that bring genuine and lasting pleasure, that are conducive to true satisfaction and mental well being, examples including going out (or in) to have dinner with close friends, visiting a museum or art gallery, going for a walk or out to see a movie or a musician perform live. These activities need not be expensive or even particularly time-consuming, encompassing anything that brings joy such as a casual coffee morning or trip to the cinema. Though these sound so simple, my own experience indicates that there are so many things that get in the way which make these practically impossible or even seem like overly indulgent ways to spend one’s time.

Not meaning to make any generalizations, I would ask one to compare this mindset to the cafe culture of the continent or nightlife of central and southern America, where restaurants and bars are open till late and customers often sit chatting into the small hours. It is this that I perceive many in the UK to be lacking, this flexibility and openness to pleasure, particularly among those of my own generation. As cliched as it is, I would say that here we seem to have our priorities wrong, valuing productivity over pleasure, industriousness over indolence and wealth over well-being which we would do well to reevaluate and place more importance on making time and space for ourselves over the coming year.

on self-denial

I can’t buy those flowers just for me – I don’t deserve them“; “I’m a failure – I don’t deserve his support“; “I’m tired but I don’t deserve to rest – I have work to do“. The way I see it, many people today partake in a ‘deserving culture’ where any positive thing in your life must come from graft, even from necessity, to justify its place there. We seem to project our ideas about right and wrong onto non-moral features of the world, which come to embody our vulnerability, our profound insecurity and leave us with a negative view of the self and our personal worth.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the case of women, who are praised for actively denying themselves things that bring them pleasure or joy, as this allegedly speaks of their strength of character. For decades, we have been living in a diet culture where the expectation is for women to cut out certain foods that might derail their progress in weight loss or fitness, the result being that the food you chooses to eat becomes an issue of personal virtue. It’s not difficult to see this if one is only to look at the way that so-called ‘bad’ foods are labelled and marketed, companies using words such as ‘indulgent’, ‘naughty’ and ‘sinful’ to attract guilt-ridden customers. The implication here is that people – particularly women – should generally be abstaining from such treats as they are one manifestation of a kind of moral weakness, that they might only be consumed as part of a ‘cheat day’ or if they go on to spend three hours at the gym. In a similar way, those that work excessively and leave little time for themselves or their personal life become the object of admiration, of approval, as the phenomenon of “busy bragging” clearly suggests. It is thought that these people have their priorities ‘right’, that choosing to eat a donut on the way home or have a couple of hours to yourself at the weekend is somehow a failing, a moral shortcoming. As far as I can see, this affects most people that I know and extends to all areas of life, money being only one other example. My personal philosophy is that I should save every penny, only spending anything when absolutely necessary or for the benefit of someone else, an attitude shared by many I know that is only conducive to guilt and self-punishment.

On the surface, it seems as though this lifestyle promotes hard-work, self-restraint and abstemiousness – undoubtedly a positive thing – though it’s not difficult to perceive how this might feed into an unhealthy outlook on life as well as the perception of your self-worth. If we are constantly telling people that they must deny themselves that which gives them pleasure, that which brings them joy – however fleeting or superficial – we instill them with the idea that they must deserve these things to justify having them, the implication being that they are intrinsically undeserving or unworthy.

This phenomenon is nothing new, however, discernible in many philosophies and religions of the past which have certainly had an impact on the attitudes of people today. Inscribed at the Ancient Greek Oracle of Delphi, however, is the phrase Meden Agan or ‘Nothing in excess’. Rather than punishing ourselves for feeling or desiring certain things, we ought to embrace these desires and cut ourselves a bit of slack, as long as we retain the right balance or equilibrium. This is when self-affirmation becomes so important in bolstering the way one feels about oneself, it being essential that this self-denial does not come to dominate the way we see ourselves. Rather than making ourselves feel lesser or not good enough, we ought to treat ourselves with the respect and dignity that we would give to others, requiring both thought and action. Eat that donut if it’s what you fancy, as long as you have an otherwise balanced diet. Actively try to carve out a few hours jut for yourself within the week, whatever you can, as some respite from a hectic work life. Get enough sleep. Drink enough water. Sometimes, be selfish. Such an attitude is imperative to maintain a healthy and sustainable work/life balance as well as mental and physical health. Make an effort to incorporate small things into your life that oppose the mentality that you are undeserving and do things, however small, that bring you joy.

self-care

As a follow up to my last post, I would like to give some tips for taking care of yourself that I have found and continue to find helpful as someone who is by no means out of the woods yet. I just hope that others might find the same comfort and solace that I have, to whatever small degree that may be.

  • Self-affirmation

As difficult as this one is, it is important to try to convince yourself of your worth, of the fact that you deserve, that you matter. This takes a lot of practice and should even be done when the belief may not be there: be patient.

  • Forgive yourself

Remember that change cannot happen overnight, so show yourself compassion and forgiveness.

  • Make time for yourself

At this time, you are the priority. Listen to your feelings and remember to push yourself, but be forgiving if it’s too much at once, going out and socializing  being a good example.

  • Do things purely for the pleasure of doing them

Buy small things for yourself not because you need them, but because they bring you joy. Watch movies that you like. Listen to positive music. You deserve to enjoy all of these things.

  • Take care of the basics

This one simple but easy to overlook: get enough sleep, food and drink. Take care to nourish your body and remember that you deserve to have all of these things.

Though it may not feel like it, tell yourself that things will get better, as that may be all you can do until you’re in a better place. As I myself have trouble following my own advice, I understand how difficult self-care can be but recognize that it takes a lot of time and effort before a difference is felt. So, persevere.