mercy full

I see my eye

reflected in the surface

cloudy

of warm coffee

eyes distorted but

gaze unwavering

your knuckles are

dry and cracked

as they cup smooth

porcelain;

victims of your uncertainty

its too sweet. But

you don’t know

me like that yet so

i forgive you

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Capitalism Series #1 – Introduction

Sitting at the bottom of my closet now are 6 pairs of near-identical white trainers, albeit second-hand. Every time I open the door and happen to see them, I’m transported back to Paris this August just passed, to a street right in the centre overlooking the famous Seine where the picturesque and elegantly decaying buildings housed the likes of Prada. Gucci and Chanel, some of the most well-known and sought-after fashion brands. Even at 9am there was a lot of foot traffic – primarily tourists – who would glance and stare at the windows as they passed. There were few people actually in the shops. I reached a corner and was about to turn when the shoe display of one such store caught my eye (surprise, surprise) and what I saw caught me right off guard. There, behind the glass, were four pairs of designer white trainers lined up in a row with three digit price tags, pristine white except for the strategically placed artificial scuff and dirt marks on their surface. Really. The people who could afford such shoes i.e. the rich were willing to pay several hundred euros for shoes that looked already worn. God forbid they actually just go on eBay and buy a pre-loved pair for €5. No, instead people are willing to pay to get the clout that comes with designer brands but also the appearance of being relaxed, a person not overly preoccupied by fashion or their appearance. Ha.

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Capitalism itself is based on an ideology, namely that the more work one puts in, the more benefits they reap. It’s been a while since Adam Smith wrote of the “invisible hand” that guides the market and we’re still recovering from that post-WWII slap in the face.We say that so-and-so is ‘self-made’, that anyone from any walk of life can change their circumstances and go from rags to riches provided that they’re willing to work and sacrifice for it. In short, the capitalist system is founded on the illusion that we live in a meritocratic society, an illusion that actually favours those born into privilege and hurts those who aren’t. In truth, we do not live in a world where one’s hard work pays off; the individual must first overcome any number of social and psychological barriers that make such a transformation near impossible.

Benjamin is born at St Mary’s Hospital in London at 03:06 to parents Lucy and Richard. Manawa is born on the same ward 27 minutes later to parents Maia and Ari. Though they live in the same borough they go to different schools, Benjamin attending a private academy while Manawa goes to the good local state school. Benjamin receives extra tuition and is taught by academics who are famous in their field. Manawa achieves top grades in school thanks to her natural intellect and drive to succeed, even though she misses lesson time when she is on her period or if her teachers go on strike, which happens three times in her schooling career. Benjamin achieves todes at A-level and Lucy and Richard are both proud and relieved that their time and means allowed their child to achieve academic success. Manawa also achieves top grades for which she is grateful to her parents and school for the support they were able to give her through a difficult though formative time. Benjamin applies and is accepted to a Russel Group university where he studies comfortably throughout his degree. He goes out with his friends a couple of nights a week and though his grades aren’t perfect he likes that he’s been able to juggle school and a social life. He mainly relies on his maintenance loan to live day-to-day, though his parents pay is annual rent and occasionally pay for his shopping. Manawa also receives a place at a Russel Group university. With her parents unable to subsidize her living costs, Manawa must work a part-time job on the side to compensate for the living costs her loan doesn’t cover. She rarely socializes and sometimes struggles to study as she fairly regularly experiences burn-out. While Benjamin identifies with many of his fellow classmates and the major names studied on his course, Manawa –  though she has friends – feels a distinct sense of isolation. She studies few women on her course, let alone women who are not white. In later life, Manawa finds it more difficult to get a job as employers are put off by the name on her CV. Benjamin is easily and warmly accepted into the fold. Both Benjamin and Manawa marry and have children, however childcare is so expensive that Manawa must take time off work and subsequently is not put up for the promotion she was hoping for while Benjamin’s earning potential continues to grow.

I could go on, but it’s easy to see how we do not live in a society that rewards merit above all else, that in fact circumstance, sex, gender, race, sexual orientation, religion and class are all key determinant factors in how our lives play out. That’s why I’ve decided to begin a short series on capitalism and its intersections. I want to explore the differing ways in which our social model responds to or neglects the needs of the people as the social, economical and political are all intricately woven into the fabric of modern society.

“Good morning, sunshine”

Silk underwear
discarded
like a growing mould against
cracked enamel bedpost.

The sun spills across
my bed as
the blinds cannot contain it
endeavour as they will to
console me,
to maintain this fragile
stillness.

The bed sheets are a
mess, skewed and twisted into
pale peaks and curls
hieroglyphs, symbols of a dead language.

Knees weak, I stand and
open the window a crack
but the unforgiving stench of
living, breathing bodies still
lingers obscenely.

Black coffee, cold.
Cloudy surface tainted only
by the fossilized pink mark
on porcelain rim.
This, too, is offensive, this
base mercy, this cruel pity.

 

wake

with the coming of the spring rains
the earth – once compact
– loosens her grip and
life obscene breaks trough.

The chestnut, maple, birch
unutterable cries of Hades’ guests.
Twisted, the branches spread, grow,
an unfurling of silent anguish
utter isolation

while branches seek warmth
endeavor to warn those
admiring Demeter’s garden

Pearl crocuses at daybreak
rotting leaves; Sparrow dips her
head in mourning.